Monday, October 15, 2012
An Apology
I had every intention of posting on the 13th, but as lucky would have it (HA!) I had to be hospitalized with pneumonia for two days including the 13th. I still must apologize for the lack of posting on that day. I don't like to break promises and I broke this one and for that I am sorry. This is the first day in more than a week that I have felt well enough to get online and post this. Sorry for the inconvenience.
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Thursday, September 13, 2012
The Updates
I fell that I should tell you all out there in the webby world that hubby has found some temporary work. I am feeling a smidgen less depressed and angst ridden so I am getting things done. A couple more temporary jobs like this and we should be able to skate along for awhile with little trauma. In fact if he can leapfrog from temporary position to temporary position like he is next year he may actually earn a full year's salary. Things are looking up.
My garden has been planted again and so far so good. Our weather has steadied out a bit and the cold weather plantings are growing great guns. I may actually get something from them this year. A dead tree in our year has provided me with fodder for a raised bed next year. So hopefully next year my garden will do even better. I have some hopes that we will get there soon! Planting blackberries and more raspberries next year as well. Making a De-facto fence in the back part of the garden. Near the elderberries which we had so many of this year there was too many to pick and the birds got to eat a whole bunch of them, so that's good. Need to go weed soon so that I can plant garlic and onions for next year.
Crafting a lot working some fairs and such. Making a little bit of extra cash there and cleaning houses too. Lil 'un is in preschool part time for some much needed socialization. Plus it gives me more time to work on things that need to be done. Like housecleaning.
Lil 'un's birthday is coming up as well and because hubby is working I was actually able to get him some birthday gifts this year. Yule may still be so so as far as gifts go but at least he's getting some special things for his birthday.
Spiritually I think I'm in a good place. I feel much less like a weeping petulant child and can do my magic with gusto again. Energy is working for me now that I have less negativity clogging my channels. I'm back to my center again and it feels so good, I feel really grateful for that! Taking the time to tend my spiritual garden as it were. Reading again which fell away with other hobbies during the dark months. All in all feeling much happier with myself.
My garden has been planted again and so far so good. Our weather has steadied out a bit and the cold weather plantings are growing great guns. I may actually get something from them this year. A dead tree in our year has provided me with fodder for a raised bed next year. So hopefully next year my garden will do even better. I have some hopes that we will get there soon! Planting blackberries and more raspberries next year as well. Making a De-facto fence in the back part of the garden. Near the elderberries which we had so many of this year there was too many to pick and the birds got to eat a whole bunch of them, so that's good. Need to go weed soon so that I can plant garlic and onions for next year.
Crafting a lot working some fairs and such. Making a little bit of extra cash there and cleaning houses too. Lil 'un is in preschool part time for some much needed socialization. Plus it gives me more time to work on things that need to be done. Like housecleaning.
Lil 'un's birthday is coming up as well and because hubby is working I was actually able to get him some birthday gifts this year. Yule may still be so so as far as gifts go but at least he's getting some special things for his birthday.
Spiritually I think I'm in a good place. I feel much less like a weeping petulant child and can do my magic with gusto again. Energy is working for me now that I have less negativity clogging my channels. I'm back to my center again and it feels so good, I feel really grateful for that! Taking the time to tend my spiritual garden as it were. Reading again which fell away with other hobbies during the dark months. All in all feeling much happier with myself.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Wednesday, July 11, 2012
Another Word
Well I took a much longer break than I had planned to. I got hit by that depression/apathy bat harder than I was expecting. Not trying to make excuses just trying to explain my absence. I wanted to write here but what would I write about really? Nothing but how angry I felt that this bad economy was screwing my family so hard. How unfair it all felt that we were struggling so much.
We are lucky, a lot of people have lost a lot more than we have. I need to learn to come from a place of gratefulness.
How absolutely trashed my house had become because getting off the couch was more than I could manage most days. Walking was out of the question much less housework. I allowed myself to wallow for way too long and the housework isn't getting caught up on anytime soon. I feel like a total failure at life. Why can't I manage to get the house clean and get a healthy low cost dinner on the table everyday? Why does every appliance we own go on the fritz NOW? Why does it feel like everything I touch lately is failing so miserably? I have put so much effort and work into the garden and now not even my seeds are sprouting despite daily watering and no effort spared to keep them well weeded and tended so that they may grow. NOT EVEN SPROUTING! I am angry and dismayed that I spent all that money getting seeds and good organic topsoil into my garden only to have nothing happen at all. What does grow the animals get long before we do, we really need a good fence but that isn't something we will be able to get until next year. But gods dammit things are getting better.....
I have to just keep saying that when things get to be too much to bear, it's bad now but it's getting better.
Hopefully putting it out there on the internet will make me believe it more than I do now and maybe it will actually get better....
Not going to try and post again unless I really mean it.
We are lucky, a lot of people have lost a lot more than we have. I need to learn to come from a place of gratefulness.
How absolutely trashed my house had become because getting off the couch was more than I could manage most days. Walking was out of the question much less housework. I allowed myself to wallow for way too long and the housework isn't getting caught up on anytime soon. I feel like a total failure at life. Why can't I manage to get the house clean and get a healthy low cost dinner on the table everyday? Why does every appliance we own go on the fritz NOW? Why does it feel like everything I touch lately is failing so miserably? I have put so much effort and work into the garden and now not even my seeds are sprouting despite daily watering and no effort spared to keep them well weeded and tended so that they may grow. NOT EVEN SPROUTING! I am angry and dismayed that I spent all that money getting seeds and good organic topsoil into my garden only to have nothing happen at all. What does grow the animals get long before we do, we really need a good fence but that isn't something we will be able to get until next year. But gods dammit things are getting better.....
I have to just keep saying that when things get to be too much to bear, it's bad now but it's getting better.
Hopefully putting it out there on the internet will make me believe it more than I do now and maybe it will actually get better....
Not going to try and post again unless I really mean it.
Thursday, April 26, 2012
Interm
Right now we are dealing with extended family issues so posting will be sparse for awhile (not that it isn't already) but I do have a cute craft to share with you all soon!
Sunday, April 1, 2012
Hodgepodge Post
Been thinking of this and that lately and well hopefully will be able to make this post make some sense.
Hestia: Been making myself some bandana style covers to wear around the house over the last week. I now have a new green one and a new navy blue one. I have a friend who was looking to get rid of some fabric and yarn so I have been keeping my hands busy and putting off the important housework in favor of crocheting myself some new covers to go with my clothing. I like bandana style covers mostly because nobody thinks twice about me wearing these when with snoods of tichels I tend to get some odd looks. But really I find that snoods are more comfortable especially on a hot day to get my hair off the back of my neck. Still pleased with the whole thing, Hestia was right. Still doing my devotionals to her on a regular basis. When I start feeling anxious about things I have even developed a "Hestia provides" phrase coupled with deep meditative breathing that seems to nip it in the bud. At least I'm not having panic attacks.
Community: I have been once again getting this crazy pull to join a group or community outside of the one I am currently in. In fact I'm feeling a pull quite strongly toward Quaker meetings. A more regulated constant ritual community gathering instead of just the Wheel of Year celebrations my Pagan group does. I have been pretty much a solitary practitioner for 10 years now, I have no idea where this is coming from. I am finding it rather confusing and frustrating right now. I know that there is a small but vocal group of Plain/Quaker Pagans out there, but I'm still trying to figure out if I belong in that group. If I do belong in that group what does that mean as far as my Pagan practice and who I am as a person?
Home school: Still doing a planed school day with little 'un during the week. Trying to read to him consistently and we are really focusing on letters right now. This September I am going to being to teach him how to read. He is also getting there in potty training so I plan to send him to our local preschool so that he can have some time with kids his own age and I can have some stress free time in the garden. We are also signing up for the local home school group that has field trips to the zoo on a monthly basis. Hoping that we can make some friends there as well.This job loss has made me think about getting a part time job which makes me angry because it would effect the perfect little home school life that I have pictured in my head. I know this is silly because it would be seasonal part time but still.
Garden: Have planted all my greenhouse stuff now I am just waiting to plant the outdoor garden. I am nearly overcome with excitement!
Hestia: Been making myself some bandana style covers to wear around the house over the last week. I now have a new green one and a new navy blue one. I have a friend who was looking to get rid of some fabric and yarn so I have been keeping my hands busy and putting off the important housework in favor of crocheting myself some new covers to go with my clothing. I like bandana style covers mostly because nobody thinks twice about me wearing these when with snoods of tichels I tend to get some odd looks. But really I find that snoods are more comfortable especially on a hot day to get my hair off the back of my neck. Still pleased with the whole thing, Hestia was right. Still doing my devotionals to her on a regular basis. When I start feeling anxious about things I have even developed a "Hestia provides" phrase coupled with deep meditative breathing that seems to nip it in the bud. At least I'm not having panic attacks.
Community: I have been once again getting this crazy pull to join a group or community outside of the one I am currently in. In fact I'm feeling a pull quite strongly toward Quaker meetings. A more regulated constant ritual community gathering instead of just the Wheel of Year celebrations my Pagan group does. I have been pretty much a solitary practitioner for 10 years now, I have no idea where this is coming from. I am finding it rather confusing and frustrating right now. I know that there is a small but vocal group of Plain/Quaker Pagans out there, but I'm still trying to figure out if I belong in that group. If I do belong in that group what does that mean as far as my Pagan practice and who I am as a person?
Home school: Still doing a planed school day with little 'un during the week. Trying to read to him consistently and we are really focusing on letters right now. This September I am going to being to teach him how to read. He is also getting there in potty training so I plan to send him to our local preschool so that he can have some time with kids his own age and I can have some stress free time in the garden. We are also signing up for the local home school group that has field trips to the zoo on a monthly basis. Hoping that we can make some friends there as well.This job loss has made me think about getting a part time job which makes me angry because it would effect the perfect little home school life that I have pictured in my head. I know this is silly because it would be seasonal part time but still.
Garden: Have planted all my greenhouse stuff now I am just waiting to plant the outdoor garden. I am nearly overcome with excitement!
Friday, March 23, 2012
Well
I had held off on posting this because frankly I was too angry to think coherently about the fact that once again my husband is unemployed. I kinda sat down in the middle of the road and gave up for a few days before my momma wolf (I don't identify with the bear) stood up and howled and got her fire back. I am still depressed about the whole thing but there isn't really anything I can do about it. We have the money to pay bills but it would be nice to take care of the things around the house that have been waiting for two years now like a lawnmower and fixing the crumbling front porch. Hoping that something will come up soon. March is almost over!
Sunday, March 11, 2012
Epiphiany at 2 am
Epiphany is a funny thing, especially at nearly two am when I am supposed to be asleep. Celebrated my birthday this past week and partied until I couldn't stand straight anymore and now I cannot sleep. My dread of March hasn't lessened from last year but so far it's been fairly tolerable. Considering the past year with all it's downs and not many ups I think I deserved the break. Despite my lack of posting here I am still on a totally unique personal spiritual journey even if Star Wars is eating my life. I am getting ready for spring and a massive upgrade to my garden. Planing this year with a friend who just bought a house last fall and has a love of organic gardening that rivals my own. Also looking forward to canning in the fall. And possibly chickens next year sometime. Lil 'un has been asking for a year for some and I can only say no for so long.......I have a little farmer boy in the making. Epiphany in the middle of the night that in vegan cooking they use eggs substitutes that lil 'un may actually not be allergic to so I should maybe invite my vegan friend over for a cooking lesson. She is Puerto Rican and her enchiladas are unmatched. If I am up at such a crazy hour again maybe I'll post how it goes.
Sunday, February 5, 2012
Potty Training
Being a big fan of the Apron Stringz blog I went over to check out her new post which just happened to be about potty training. She admitted that her 4.5 year old still has accidents and I want to cry. I am not even bothering with potty training my little 'un, he hates it, he hides from me if he thinks I might make him use the potty. He has awful diaper rash all the time from not letting me know he's gone even though I have taken to checking him every half hour just to make sure he isn't sitting in his mess for long. I AM SICK AND TIRED OF DIAPERS WAHHHH!!!! He is perfectly capable of using the potty he just doesn't want to. I have tried everything in every book and article I have ever found and nothing has worked at all. Really wish he would just use the potty because my life would be so much easier if he would just ask to use the potty instead of going in his diapers all the time.
Saturday, January 14, 2012
My Life has Been Eaten
I should apologize for the longer than expected hiatus, but I had forgotten that December 20th was the release date for the new Star Wars MMO......which we per-ordered and got early access to. I have a level 50 already working on a second and have another alt that I am playing when I have the time. Housework is up to date now after a week of being less than stellar, and as always I am spending a lot of time with kiddo but that doesn't leave much time for sleep or anything else for that matter. Like this blog it has all gone out the window while Star Wars eats my life. I haven't put much thought into what I would be posting here lately, but who knows how much longer I will love the story of the Smuggler and her trusty companion who get married and never speak again. (I swear I'm not obsessing). Look forward to some schooling posts as little 'un and I have been back at school for the year.
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