Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Another Word

Well I took a much longer break than I had planned to. I got hit by that depression/apathy bat harder than I was expecting. Not trying to make excuses just trying to explain my absence. I wanted to write here but what would I write about really? Nothing but how angry I felt that this bad economy was screwing my family so hard. How unfair it all felt that we were struggling so much.

We are lucky, a lot of people have lost a lot more than we have. I need to learn to come from a place of gratefulness.

How absolutely trashed my house had become because getting off the couch was  more than I could manage most days. Walking was out of the question much less housework. I allowed myself to wallow for way too long and the housework isn't getting caught up on anytime soon. I feel like a total failure at life. Why can't I manage to get the house clean and get a healthy low cost dinner on the table everyday? Why does every appliance we own go on the fritz NOW? Why does it feel like everything I touch lately is failing so miserably? I have put so much effort and work into the garden and now not even my seeds are sprouting despite daily watering and no effort spared to keep them well weeded and tended so that they may grow. NOT EVEN SPROUTING! I am angry and dismayed that I spent all that money getting seeds and good organic topsoil into my garden only to have nothing happen at all. What does grow the animals get long before we do, we really need a good fence but that isn't something we will be able to get until next year. But gods dammit things are getting better.....

I have to just keep saying that when things get to be too much to bear, it's bad now but it's getting better.

Hopefully putting it out there on the internet will make me believe it more than I do now and maybe it will actually get better....

Not going to try and post again unless I really mean it.

1 comment:

  1. I know how you feel, although I hardly write about it on my blog. Hang in there, sweetie! Come back when you feel like it. And to both you and me: things WILL get better!