Well I think I am going to call 2011 a lost year. It has brought nothing but heartache and famine, as a family unit we have gone nowhere, been totally stagnant, truly a lost year. Never in all my life have I been put to such a test of strength and I am tired, oh so tired. The darkness of the time is threatening to consume me.
And yet through all of this I have had hope. Even now when I would like to give up, it is hope that keeps my feet moving. Hope that hubby or I will find a job that pays enough for us to pay our bills without compromising our ideals. Hope that we will not be foreclosed on, that we will grow old in this house which didn't feel like a home until we had the fear that we might lose it. Hope that we will not be forced to move out of state, away from family and friends and our support system. HOPE HOPE HOPE!
Hope is spiritual...... I have to believe that eventually things will stop going wrong for us soon and we can get back on track. We want to contribute to this society 100%, but we need to be able to pay our bills first. We can't do big home improvements until we can guarantee that we will be able to pay our mortgage, but I do have hope.