An Apology

I had every intention of posting on the 13th, but as lucky would have it (HA!)  I had to be hospitalized with pneumonia for two days including the 13th. I still must apologize for the lack of posting on that day. I don't like to break promises and I broke this one and for that I am sorry. This is the first day in more than a week that I have felt well enough to get online and post this. Sorry for the inconvenience. 

Blessed Mabon/Harvest Home

May you all have a blessed Mabon/Harvest Home!

The Updates

I fell that I should tell you all out there in the webby world that hubby has found some temporary work. I am feeling a smidgen less depressed and angst ridden so I am getting things done. A couple more temporary jobs like this and we should be able to skate along for awhile with little trauma. In fact if he can leapfrog from temporary position to temporary position like he is next year he may actually earn a full year's salary. Things are looking up.

My garden has been planted again and so far so good. Our weather has steadied out a bit and the cold weather plantings are growing great guns. I may actually get something from them this year. A dead tree in our year has provided me with fodder for a raised bed next year. So hopefully next year my garden will do even better. I have some hopes that we will get there soon! Planting blackberries and more raspberries next year as well. Making a De-facto fence in the back part of the garden. Near the elderberries which we had so many of this year there was too many to pick and the birds got to eat a whole bunch of them, so that's good. Need to go weed soon so that I can plant garlic and onions for next year.

Crafting a lot working some fairs and such. Making a little bit of extra cash there and cleaning houses too. Lil 'un is in preschool part time for some much needed socialization. Plus it gives me more time to work on things that need to be done. Like housecleaning.

Lil 'un's birthday is coming up as well and because hubby is working I was actually able to get him some birthday gifts this year. Yule may still be so so as far as gifts go but at least he's getting some special things for his birthday.

Spiritually I think I'm in a good place. I feel much less like a weeping petulant child and can do my magic with gusto again. Energy is working for me now that I have less negativity clogging my channels. I'm back to my center again and it feels so good, I feel really grateful for that! Taking the time to tend my spiritual garden as it were. Reading again which fell away with other hobbies during the dark months. All in all feeling much happier with myself.       

September 11th

Another Word

Well I took a much longer break than I had planned to. I got hit by that depression/apathy bat harder than I was expecting. Not trying to make excuses just trying to explain my absence. I wanted to write here but what would I write about really? Nothing but how angry I felt that this bad economy was screwing my family so hard. How unfair it all felt that we were struggling so much.

We are lucky, a lot of people have lost a lot more than we have. I need to learn to come from a place of gratefulness.

How absolutely trashed my house had become because getting off the couch was  more than I could manage most days. Walking was out of the question much less housework. I allowed myself to wallow for way too long and the housework isn't getting caught up on anytime soon. I feel like a total failure at life. Why can't I manage to get the house clean and get a healthy low cost dinner on the table everyday? Why does every appliance we own go on the fritz NOW? Why does it feel like everything I touch lately is failing so miserably? I have put so much effort and work into the garden and now not even my seeds are sprouting despite daily watering and no effort spared to keep them well weeded and tended so that they may grow. NOT EVEN SPROUTING! I am angry and dismayed that I spent all that money getting seeds and good organic topsoil into my garden only to have nothing happen at all. What does grow the animals get long before we do, we really need a good fence but that isn't something we will be able to get until next year. But gods dammit things are getting better.....

I have to just keep saying that when things get to be too much to bear, it's bad now but it's getting better.

Hopefully putting it out there on the internet will make me believe it more than I do now and maybe it will actually get better....

Not going to try and post again unless I really mean it.

Interm

Right now we are dealing with extended family issues so posting will be sparse for awhile (not that it isn't already) but I do have a cute craft to share with you all soon!

Hodgepodge Post

Been thinking of this and that lately and well hopefully will be able to make this post make some sense.

Hestia: Been making myself some bandana style covers to wear around the house over the last week. I now have a new green one and a new navy blue one. I have a friend who was looking to get rid of some fabric and yarn so I have been keeping my hands busy and putting off the important housework in favor of crocheting myself some new covers to go with my clothing. I like bandana style covers mostly because nobody thinks twice about me wearing these when with snoods of tichels I tend to get some odd looks. But really I find that snoods are more comfortable especially on a hot day to get my hair off the back of my neck. Still pleased with the whole thing, Hestia was right. Still doing my devotionals to her on a regular basis. When I start feeling anxious about things I have even developed a "Hestia provides" phrase coupled with deep meditative breathing that seems to nip it in the bud. At least I'm not having panic attacks.

Community: I have been once again getting this crazy pull to join a group or community outside of the one I am currently in. In fact I'm feeling a pull quite strongly toward Quaker meetings. A more regulated constant ritual community gathering instead of just the Wheel of Year celebrations my Pagan group does. I have been pretty much a solitary practitioner for 10 years now, I have no idea where this is coming from. I am finding it rather confusing and frustrating right now. I know that there is a small but vocal group of Plain/Quaker Pagans out there, but I'm still trying to figure out if I belong in that group. If I do belong in that group what does that mean as far as my Pagan practice and who I am as a person?

Home school: Still doing a planed school day with little 'un during the week. Trying to read to him consistently and we are really focusing on letters right now. This September I am going to being to teach him how to read. He is also getting there in potty training so I plan to send him to our local preschool  so that he can have some time with kids his own age and I can have some stress free time in the garden. We are also signing up for the local home school group that has field trips to the zoo on a monthly basis. Hoping that we can make some friends there as well.This job loss has made me think about getting a part time job which makes me angry because it would effect the perfect little home school life that I have pictured in my head. I know this is silly because it would be seasonal part time but still.

Garden: Have planted all my greenhouse stuff now I am just waiting to plant the outdoor garden. I am nearly overcome with excitement!

Well

I had held off on posting this because frankly I was too angry to think coherently about the fact that once again my husband is unemployed. I kinda sat down in the middle of the road and gave up for a few days before my momma wolf (I don't identify with the bear) stood up and howled and got her fire back. I am still depressed about the whole thing but there isn't really anything I can do about it. We have the money to pay bills but it would be nice to take care of the things around the house that have been waiting for two years now like a lawnmower and fixing the crumbling front porch. Hoping that something will come up soon. March is almost over!

Epiphiany at 2 am

Epiphany is a funny thing, especially at nearly two am when I am supposed to be asleep. Celebrated my birthday this past week and partied until I couldn't stand straight anymore and now I cannot sleep. My dread of March hasn't lessened from last year but so far it's been fairly tolerable. Considering the past year with all it's downs and not many ups I think I deserved the break. Despite my lack of posting here I am still on a totally unique personal spiritual journey even if Star Wars is eating my life. I am getting ready for spring and a massive upgrade to my garden. Planing this year with a friend who just bought a house last fall and has a love of organic gardening that rivals my own. Also looking forward to canning in the fall. And possibly chickens next year sometime. Lil 'un has been asking for a year for some and I can only say no for so long.......I have a little farmer boy in the making. Epiphany in the middle of the night that in vegan cooking they use eggs substitutes that lil 'un may actually not be allergic to so I should maybe invite my vegan friend over for a cooking lesson. She is Puerto Rican and her enchiladas are unmatched. If I am up at such a crazy hour again maybe I'll post how it goes.

Potty Training

Being a big fan of the Apron Stringz blog I went over to check out her new post which just happened to be about potty training. She admitted that her 4.5 year old still has accidents and I want to cry. I am not even bothering with potty training my little 'un, he hates it, he hides from me if he thinks I might make him use the potty. He has awful diaper rash all the time from not letting me know he's gone even though I have taken to checking him every half hour just to make sure he isn't sitting in his mess for long. I AM SICK AND TIRED OF DIAPERS WAHHHH!!!! He is perfectly capable of using the potty he just doesn't want to. I have tried everything in every book and article I have ever found and nothing has worked at all. Really wish he would just use the potty because my life would be so much easier if he would just ask to use the potty instead of going in his diapers all the time.  

My Life has Been Eaten

I should apologize for the longer than expected hiatus, but I had forgotten that December 20th was the release date for the new Star Wars MMO......which we per-ordered and got early access to. I have a level 50 already working on a second and have another alt that I am playing when I have the time. Housework is up to date now after a week of being less than stellar, and as always I am spending a lot of time with kiddo but that doesn't leave much time for sleep or anything else for that matter. Like this blog it has all gone out the window while Star Wars eats my life. I haven't put much thought into what I would be posting here lately, but who knows how much longer I will love the story of the Smuggler and her trusty companion who get married and never speak again. (I swear I'm not obsessing). Look forward to some schooling posts as little 'un and I have been back at school for the year.

Break

I have so many gifts to make and buy still so I think it's safe to say that I won't be posting anything substantial until after the New Year. We'll be traveling a bit around New Years Eve and I will not have any access to a computer for a few days. See you all there!

Where's the Holiday Cheer?

I'm just not feeling the holidays this year. I don't feel like shopping even if I already know what I am getting everyone on my list. I'm just not up for it, I want to go hide and read a good book. I don't feel like dealing with my in laws yearly holiday drama. (They have to see us at least 6 times for Christmas and New Years and still complain that isn't enough). I have cookies to bake and for once I don't feel like doing it. In fact I'm downright procrastinating on that. I think that this year is going to be more Yule focused than previous years have been. I think little 'un may be ready for the explanation of Yule and why we as Pagans celebrate it. 

Dusting off the soapbox

Hello all as many of you are already aware there is a rather unflattering article up on the Washington Post about "hipster homemakers" who are just following the latest fad in lifestyle. As I am sure most of you saw this posted already by Mrs. B (that wonderful lady)! So I thought that I'd dust off my soapbox and use a little language to get myself some peace from the steam that is coming out of my ears.

The author brings up a concern that because all of these hippy dippy back to the landers are making it a moral imperative (we're not) to stay at home and do all those domestic things that it will become obligation to all those women who would wish to shuck off the stress of raising their children and instead do that and have a full time career to cope with as well. (I never got why women would want to do it all). Now I for one would be on the front lines of fighting such a trend if it were actually happening but I have yet to see one stay at home mother accuse a career woman of shucking off their moral imperative to be a stay at home mom, not a one. In fact I think most of them are just happy to be doing what they need to do for their families, and hopefully at peace with their choice to stay at home. I know when I first made the choice to be a stay at home mom I did go through some feminist existential drama wondering if I could be a stay at home mom like I truly desired and still call myself a feminist. Then I thought FEMINISM IS ABOUT CHOICE. It is my choice to stay home; society at large is telling me that the only way I am of value  is if I over stress myself and go out into the world of career and making money. But isn't that what early feminists were fighting against? In their society the only route for a woman to have value was for her to stay within the home and raise babies, the working world was out of her reach. They fought so that we now could have the choice of working if that is what pleased us, despite what society at large decided was best for us and our families. I don't believe that they would have wanted any woman to be pressured into making choices that are against her desires, they fought for a woman's right to be the designer of her own destiny. If she wanted to be a stay at home mom who worked hard within the home to provide for her family I believe that they would have given their blessing.  After all it's about freedom of choice. 

Secondly as the article mentions a lot of that hippy dippy back to the land stuff is just plain fun. Heck if it wasn't it wouldn't be a "trend". I read a rather interesting article in Newsweek I believe that talked about how Amish fictional romances were the new trend in literature because even though few of us would be able to live in the Amish world (hey who doesn't enjoy TV in moderation) we longed for the simplicity and slower pace. Modern life is tough and stressful and hectic and canning jam and growing gardens is a good relief from that stress. Huh who guessed that taking the time to do something simple is a good way to unwind? I for one would love nothing more that to do nothing but sew. I get all Zen and calm. Yes it's one of those old school domestic skills but if I enjoy it why in the hell should I be made to feel guilty about it??? Yes it is a way to be a responsible member of the human race if I shop local and try to lessen my environmental impact on the world but, again I ask why should I feel guilty about doing my part for Mother Earth? Why shouldn't I be worried about those cancer causing chemicals in processed food that make my little 'un so very very sick? Why should I just sit back and accept things the way they are when I wish they were different? I have often wondered what corporations are doing to our food supply that makes everybody have food allergies to the point that if they go anywhere near a peanut they will die? Why is there suddenly a rise in gluten allergies, lactose intolerance, and cancer? To say that our food supply and what is being done to it is not to blame is at best imbecilic at worst an outright fallacy in common sense. I am damn proud to be a Radical Homemaker and damn sick of people looking down on me because I cannot stay asleep and go through life dependent on people who don't give a damn about my health or my families health and just want me to stay in line go with the flow so that the people in charge can make their money. NO THANK YOU.

And another thing if the author is so worried that us DIYers who have gone back home are part of some anti-feminist backlash despite what we say to the contrary then why isn't she writing an article about why men aren't stepping up to the plate more when it comes to these things such as worrying about their families health and caring for the cleanliness of the home. Or how about and article highlighting some exceptional men who stay home and take care of the house and kids so that it may be seen as more socially acceptable for men to do those things and not be labeled as feminine? I know why because it wouldn't make a good headline. Instead they have to fan the fans of the mommy wars because that's what sells papers. The blog opinion expressed here is summed up best by this excerpt:   

  It is a symptom of great wealth that a nation of educated women have time and money to spend on going back to time and labor intensive tasks. If the safety and provision of their children were truly at risk, they would be back in the workplace providing in the most effective way they could: by earning money. 


Doesn't that just grind your gears? Now who is making moral imperatives huh? You are saying that wealthy educated women who make the choice of staying home are making a choice that is bad for their families. In my experience the women who do theses domestic tasks are money poor (but time rich). I don't see how my personal choices are making a moral imperative for anyone but ME. I think that in saying that in the way she said it she shows a great deal of her own guilt in being a working mom. She shouldn't feel guilty because someone else made another choice, and she shouldn't make snap judgements about them because they chose differently from her. She has a right to work if that is what makes her happy and is right for her family. I shouldn't have to defend my differing opinion to all those working women out there who feel accosted by my choice. Take your guilt elsewhere thank you, and if you feel so guilty about working then stay at home it isn't that hard.

Animal stories

Now I am really not complaining but my lil 'un does this thing where he focuses on something like, SUPER focuses. On a three word paragraph that he expects me to repeat over and over and over again until I'm ripping my hair out, clawing at my eyes and begging, no pleading with him to say something else! Two whole hours spent on the couch going over pleasantries between toys, and no attempt to steer him away from the subject works.  SUPER FOCUS! If running around in circles is what he wants to do he SUPER FOCUSES on doing that in as many ways as he can until he's dizzy and can't stand up anymore. (He still tries he just is too dizzy) If reading is what he wants to do for the day we read all day, until my eyes bleed! I always require him to sit and read with me for 15 minutes a day, then after that he can bounce dance run around or whatever he likes. But, I have read to him on days where he wants to read for two hours, how many toddlers whant to sit still and read for two hours? I mean really? SUPER FOCUS!

Now his new thing to do for hours is follow me around telling me amusing stories. It started with Taco Stories, where the basic gist is Once upon I time I was at the Taco Store and it goes on from there. And we talk about how the things in the story made him feel, or if a character was nice or mean. He usually tells me at least three always asking "Do you want to hear another Taco Story?". I always say yes. Now it's Animal Stories "Once upon a time I was riding my elephant...." it goes on to say where he and his elephant went and what they saw or did. He often falls off the elephant somehow and he is either broken or OK. The elephant acts accordingly. FOR TWO HOURS. Sometimes you just want a little peace and quiet you know? But I just can't discourage him, he's so adorable! Too smart for his own good. I have to lock the bathroom door because when I go to cook dinner (you know raw meat) he goes climbs the shelves in the cabinet to eat the toothpaste. Which he then hides so I don't figure out what he's been up to. Just have had my hands full with him lately really. End of rant , thank you.

Is that a Flea????

Why yes, yes it is! I've been in a flurry of cleaning this week trying to get a handle on the pests. It's going ok right now one kitty is clear but the other is still quite covered! I have been doing more laundry in a day than I used to do in a week and vacuuming everyday.  (So much for the quiet riot huh?) I have a lot of thoughts running around in my head right now so look forward to my next posts!

An Ode to Candles

I just ran out of candles a few weeks ago, which for me is rally weird because I'm a little bit of a pyromaniac. I have candles of all kinds for all seasons and reasons. I've lighted tea light once a week for years on my altar and it's a total habit in times of stress and I just ran out for the first time ever. Then I took the last of our gift certificates from the wedding and headed over to Pier One and bough a few. Enough to last me at least half of the coming year. Many colors and sizes too just like I like them. Then come to find out it wasn't a gift certificate for $50 like I had thought but a full $100. Sweet! Yes I am going to spend $100 on candles because I love them. Am I a little weird you better believe it!

What are you doing for Samhain?

Well tomorrow night my family will be doing a small round of trick or treating. Tonight I'll be doing my little ritual outside even though it freezing cold where I live. This will be the last chance I get until the Spring Equinox because by Yule my circle will be under 10 feet of snow!

What are your plans for Samhain?

Good News!

My prolonged break from blogging was to allow me to decompress, after nearly 6 months of stress and outright frustration hubby has been called back to work. I needed some time to process the good news and allow myself to breathe. We have been going on a little bit of a spending spree now that we know we aren't going to run out of money anytime soon. Now it's a slow waiting game to sign up for our local Child Heath insurance plan (we cannot afford the insurance offered through the company) so the little 'un can get caught up on his shots, and finally go to the dreaded allergist appointment to confirm his list of allergies. Then off to get his broken glasses fixed. It's unfortunate that we will be earning too much to qualify for the whole family insurance so I could find out why I ache so much but with how bad it could be I will try not to complain!

Blog Action Day 2011

Well the pictures and info are still coming in from our local Occupy movement so I think I'll wait on that post until I have more. However for all of you out there in the know today is Blog Action Day 2011. There is so much that I WANT to say about food and how important it is.

It's Spiritual:

 On a very basic level we eat the produce of the earth and as a Pagan that makes it a very meaningful spiritual experience. When it's fresh grown from my garden it becomes more of a ritual than a meal. The God and Goddess sharing of their bodies that my body may thrive. It's something I like to share with both my friends and family. Family meal time is so important (ask anyone), and having good food to share is important too. Give me food from my own garden, from my own hard work, and transport me to heaven. When I get to share it I hope that I share the trip!

It's Political:
In the U. S. there is a famine, we lack good healthy food. Corporations have come in and taken land from Mom and Pop farmers to plant hyper pesticide GMO food to feed to the masses. That is then processed beyond recognition before they send it to super markets all over the country. Not only does this pollute our water and air, it pollutes our dinner tables. These same corporations want our politicians to turn a blind eye to what they are doing. They want to git rid of the EPA because it infringes on their "right" to pollute the air everybody breathes, and the water they drink, and the food that they eat. How much can these corporations give to those running for office? How much can a small farmer raising organic fruits and vegetables give?

It should be a Basic Human Right:
Right now it would cost 30 billion dollars to feed every person on Earth for a year. Now that does sound like a lot of money doesn't it? That's how much  first world countries spend on their military every eight days. Food is a basic need for survival, and it should be a basic human right. Enough food for you and your family so they no longer suffer from hunger and not so much that you become obese and unhealthy. There is enough food and money to feed every person on Earth, why then do so many know hunger?